well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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