VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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