I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
