That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
