dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
