she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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