I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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