Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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