thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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