You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
