i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
