I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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