careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
