I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
