This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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