it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
