my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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