Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
