I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
