I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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