he puts the penis in happiness.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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