I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im part way to drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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