That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
