You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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