i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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