I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
