Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
