he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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