it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
