and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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