I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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