the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
