i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
