i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
