IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
