2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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