areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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