I'm so fucking centered right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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