And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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