he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
