I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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