Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
