I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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