I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
