fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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