Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
