please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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