True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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