Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
