And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
as a side note pls kill me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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