THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
