I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
