my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
