I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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