i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
