Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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