yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
