I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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